SMW BLOG

SingleMindedWomen’s Relationships & Dating Advice - Your favorite color is yellow. You’d rather have a cat than a dog. You hum along to country music, and you’re darn tootin’ proud of that fact.

Do any of these preferences make you less date worthy?

Well, that depends-on the methodology being used by your dating service du juer. All, one, or none of your quirkyalone traits may trigger red flags that, according to its statistics, indicate a turn-off to some prospective Mr. Right.

In an era when psychographic statistical data is the primary determinant for everything we buy, use, and desire, demographists, behaviorists, and other social statisticians were bound to get into the dating game as well.

Perfectmatch.com has the University of Washington/Seattle sociologist, Pepper Schwartz. Chemistry.com has Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher. And then there’s eHarmony, which boasts an eight-year track record-not to mention 120 weddings a day, over the past year-for its 29 core trait/258-question personality quiz, developed by USC psychologist Galen Buckwalter.

Professional matchmaking services think they have the stats on the lovelorn. But is attraction a matter of statistics, or is it a leap of faith?

This leads us to an even bigger question:

How do you know if your monthly tithe to your current online dating service is getting you a good return on your investment?

Maybe it’s time for you to do some math, too. Put these four factors into your mating equation…

Click here to read the rest of this article by Josie Brown.

Also, here are a few other articles on relationships and dating you might find interesting:

SingleMindedWomen’s No Frill Guide to Internet Dating For Single Moms

Where Are All the Men? Ask Mother Nature

Does Being Smart Hurt Your Chances For Love?

From all of us at SingleMindedWomen.com, we wish you a very happy and safe 4th of July!

Allison O’Connor

Co-Founder

Here’s a little bit of advice from one of Single Minded Women’s favorite single mom bloggers, Anna Raymond about ways to beat the heat and get stuff done when you’re a single mom with a little one who likes to keep busy…

In an effort to spend more quality time with my son, and also thoroughly enjoy our summer, I stockpiled my vacation time all winter.  The result?  I get to take off every other week all summer long.  I KNOW!  I’m excited too!  Except…now what?  What do we do with all of that time off?  With those pesky gas prices going up faster than the temperature, lengthy road trips are sort of limited.

I put out the call for ideas to all of my best girlfriends and I got many of the usual responses; playgrounds, community pools, parks and play dates. Don’t get me wrong, those are all fun things, but we do those all the time.  I’d like to enjoy this time off as much as my son. 

Enter the list.  We sat down together and made a wish list of all the things we’d like to do before summer is over.  Keep in mind, my son is four…you can probably guess which entries are his.

1.  Dip our feet in the ocean.  (We are several hundred miles away…but it would be worth it.)

2.  Go to the drive-in movies with a buddy.

3.  Play Legos all day.

4.  Learn to ride a bike.

5.  Learn to swim.

6.  Go camping.

7.  Catch polliwogs in the lake.

8.  Go fishing using actual worms.

9.  Visit Target and Coldstone.  (Also very far away but TOTALLY worth it!)

10. Learn how to use all of the features on my fancy new camera by taking eleventy billion pictures of us having fun.  (Or him having fun, someone has to hold the camera, after all.)

11. Eat nothing but ice cream for a whole day.  (Gee…twist my arm.)

12. Any ideas you might throw our way?  I’d sure appreciate the suggestions!

Catch up with single mom extraordinaire Anna Raymond at her personal blog www.mylifewithlucas.blogspot.com 

And here are some Single Minded Women articles that are worth checking out as well!

Your Kids and Your Summer Budget

Cool(er) Island Escapes Single Mom Family Getaways

SingleMindedWomen.com Health Channel - With the official start of summer here, it’s time to give some thought to watching for signs of heatstroke and sunburn. Think you have that topic covered already? Well, think again. Every year millions of us are the victims of heatstroke and sunburn, even though we assume we know the do’s and don’ts of fun in the sun. Whether it was a little too much alcohol, or just too nice a day to head for the shade, or a shortage of sunscreen, or forgetting to bring along some bottled water, it’s a mistake that most of us make, once, twice or more in our lives.

If you or someone you know has the misfortune of overstaying their welcome in the sun, or playing too hard in the heat, here’s some quick reminders on how to avoid sunburns, and what to do if you indeed find yourself with that bright red lobster look…

Click here for the rest of this article by Martin Brown…

More Articles that Are Hot and Timely, in SMW:

Marriage, Madonna Style: Forever Is a Long, Long Time…
With word out that Madonna’s high-profile marriage (what is it with Scottish castle marriages, anyway? Why can’t they last?) to film director Guy Ritchie is on the rocks, we give pause to consider what it takes for the Cougar/Cub union to move beyond the Hot and Horny (not that there’s anything wrong with that) to the Forever After. Our two cents are given in our own dissertation, “The Cougar Phenomenon: From Men to Boys“.

A perfect example of a celeb who seems to have made it work is Joan Collins. For her 75th birthday, her much-younger hubby, Percy, threw her the surprise party of the (three-quarter) century: at their swank St. Tropez digs, with friends and family galore. It just goes to show you that it’s not the age, but the man.

Moonlighting—and Magnolias…
I love it that SMW Career Editor Paula Santonocito has written an article on “Moonlighting Your Way to a New Career” the same week SMW launched an article entitled “Atlanta: Much More than Moonlight and Magnolias” in the Travel Channel. Maybe it’s a karma thing: you know, if you act on your instinct to moonlight, you’ll get a great job offer somewhere . . . maybe even HotLanta!

Or maybe it’s just a full moon,

Josie Brown
SMW Relationships Editor

Several few weeks ago, I received an invitation to join a women’s professional association. It was sent via U.S. mail.

Because professional associations often offer valuable career opportunities, I went to the site to check out the organization and entered the code from mailing. I was immediately welcomed as a basic member. There were no details about other levels of membership, so I assumed that was it and left the site.

There wasn’t anything of particular interest at the site and the organization itself didn’t seem to have much to offer, so I didn’t think of it again. Until one afternoon when the phone rang.

A woman identified herself by name and said she was with the association in question and that she wanted to talk to me about my membership. Based on my professional qualifications and achievements, she said she’d like to interview me to see if I might be offered a more elite membership, which would, among other benefits, include my profile among a select group on the homepage of the site. I would also be invited to host webcasts. She was polite and professional and extremely articulate. Did I have a few minutes, she wanted to know. Sure.

She then proceeded to interview me, asking some admittedly thought-provoking questions about accomplishments and career objectives. Thinking this was a legitimate interview I gave her questions careful consideration and offered genuine responses. She couldn’t have been more supportive, providing what seemed like the appropriate amount of agreement and praise. It all seemed authentic.

After a lengthy conversation, she welcomed me as an elite member, once again taking the time to compliment me. Then, without even pausing for breath, she asked what credit card I would use to pay what could only be described as an exorbitant membership fee. When I said the fee seemed unusually high, she offered one with a few less benefits at a slighter lower rate.

I told her I don’t commit to an expense of this size without more review, and asked that she either mail or email membership details, along with the corresponding rates, and I would make a decision after I had a chance to look at the information. She explained they didn’t do that: It was either sign up now or they would move on to the next person. When I indicated that I would have to decline, she was gone.

How many women have been taken in by this kind of pitch? I like to think of myself as a smart businesswoman, but had I been a little less experienced or a little more in need of an ego boost I would have gone for this scam. And it is indeed a scam. Two of the benefits she cited as exclusive to elite membership are available at the site at no charge.

In preparing to post this blog entry, I did some further digging at the site and found the association doesn’t list its membership fees. Under FAQ there’s this statement: “We offer many different membership levels, which are customized to fit your unique needs.” Uh huh.

Any legitimate association posts its membership fees and either makes available or will provide you with documentation regarding member benefits.

How can you be on your guard against this or other potential scams?

If you feel like you’re being given the hard sell, ask for a time out. Also ask for information in writing. If the “representative” won’t give you both, don’t hand over your money.

Unfortunately, caveat emptor now also applies to professional associations.

Paula Santonocito

Career Editor, SingleMindedWomen.com

SingleMindedWomen.com’s Money & Financial Advice - The rapid run-up of gas prices is tough on all Americans. For the singleminded woman, the bite at the pump might be the cruelest cut of all. A couple of months ago I wrote a blog entry on SingleMindedWomen.com about the greedy hogs pushing oil prices over a hundred bucks. In it, I predicted that prices would tumble.

That’s still my long-term guess. But with per barrel prices nearing $150 (hopefully it won’t get that far), there is now a new level of pain that I did not think we would see until 2012 or later. For those of you who don’t know, oil has become the new darling of high risk speculators on the world’s commodities markets. Not too long ago oil futures were purchased by transportation business hedging against cost increases. Now it’s simply a speculator’s game…

Read More of This Article by SMW Money Editor Martin Brown

Also in SingleMindedWomen.com:

Health - The Environment and Breast Cancer: What’s the Connection?

Fashion, Makeup and Beauty Tips - Fabulous at 40: More than Skin Deep

Travel - Atlanta: Much More than Moonlight and Magnolias

Relationships - How to Survive a Break-Up with Your Best Friend

Family - A Death in the Family: Dealing with Trauma

Careers: “I’ve Been Fired!”

Check out this honest post from one of Single Minded Women’s favorite single mom bloggers, Ms. Single Mama as posted on her blog MsSingleMama.com.

I’m a dating single mom. It’s hard. Very hard. The dating part. The single mom part, not so bad. You get used to it. You adapt and pretty soon, you can’t imagine life any other way.

But the dating part - it can be a drag.I am not in urgent need of a man to “save me.” It would be welcome, but it does me no good to pine for someone to sweep in and make my life easier. It took one year for me to come to peace with this. One year to suck it up and get over the fact that I’m on my own.This weekend I was pondering my break up with Kris. And then I read Lori Gottlieb’s now famed “Marry Him!” article. I’d read it before, but this time instead of boiling over with rage I could see some of her points.

If you missed it, she’s a single mom (thanks to a sperm donor) and has never been married. She’s also in her mid-30’s and believes that single women and single moms need to start settling for Mr. Good Enough instead of waiting around for Mr. Perfect. And, according to Gottlieb, if any woman tells you she doesn’t want a man she’s lying to you and to herself.Okay. That’s the part that makes my blood boil. First of all, she may be a single mom, but she’s never been married to a guy who turns into a jerk. And yes, Lori, there are nice Mr. Good Enough’s who can turn into monsters too. It’s this idea - that to be happy as a single mom, I should be married - that infuriates me. It reinforces the stereotype that just because I’m single and with child - that I must be miserable and desperate for a husband.

But here are some of Gottlieb’s points I agree with:Men are not perfect. We can’t expect them to be perfect, flawless beings who adore and fawn over us like Queens. I get that.The pickings are slim. As we age, the selection of good guys left does diminish. After 35, the men big on commitment and starting a family have been snapped up. Do their wives appreciate them? That’s a different story all together.

Single moms have new priorities. When you’re a dating single mom your standards are different. You’re now looking for the perfect partner - not the perfect man. Which is why, when we do find one, we treat him like gold and appreciate him despite his flaws.So, thanks to Lori’s article, all weekend I was freaking out thinking … “Oh my god, what if I lost my Mr. Good Enough?” So much so that I broke down and called Kris - “was it me? Did I drive you away? Was I a horrible girlfriend?” “No,” he said sweetly, “no, not at all, why would you think that? We are just at such different places right now.”And then it dawned on me. I didn’t lose my Mr. Good Enough…we lost each other - because neither one of us was ready to take the plunge, dive off of that cliff and just commit. Which means, that Lori Gottlieb can husband shop all she wants, but this single mom is not ready for one again.But, if I do meet someone who wants to grab my hand and pull me off of that cliff - I might reconsider. In otherwords, I may be a single mom but I still need the sparks and there’s no way I’m settling.

What do you think about settling? Do you feel like you’re desperate to find someone new - or a new husband?

While you’re pondering that question, here are some Single Minded Women articles you may also love: SMW Asks Lori Gottlieb, What are Your Successful Single Mom Secrets? Single Mom Seeking’s Rachel Sarah Helps Single Moms Get their Date On! As a Single Mother When Should You Give Yourself Permission to Start Dating?

The forwards my dad sends me usually involve touchy-feely fables, funny photos, or blonde jokes (guess what my hair color is?). Today, though, he sent along an email that hit this single fashionista a little too close to home. Apparently the rage in Japan - a country where painful foot-binding was as essential to being a geisha as finding the perfect red lipstick - is to wear architecturally unsound, toe-pinching heels that resemble an en pointe ballerina’s foot dipped in patent leather. (And I thought Jimmy Choos were a hassle.) Now, there’s a lot I’ll do in the name of fashion, but I draw the line at butchering my feet. The email also included images revealing the aftermath of foot binding and killer heels; an elderly woman’s foot had literally morphed to match her tiny shoes, with four of her gnarled toes tucked behind the arch (I’ll spare you that unsightly image).

Whether this woman was a slave to fashion or just wanted to impress a guy with her ability to teeter around in shoes built for a four-year-old is unclear. But if that’s what it takes to land a guy, I’ll be happy to stay single.

The other night I was scanning the channels for something interesting to watch other than re-runs of Two and a Half Men, when I stumbled upon an interview with Laura Logan, CBS’s News Correspondent covering the Iraq war.

Bright, articulate, knowledgeable and obviously very beautiful, she came across quite impressively. Especially when she spoke about our men in combat and how they feel we have forgotten them. But that’s another blog.

Anyway, today I read that Ms. Logan was involved in a torrid affair with not one, but two men while stationed in Baghdad. The details seems somewhat sketchy, but according to recent “web” reports, one of the men is married. Of course the wife found out, cause they always do.

So now Ms. Logan, (whom like many women), struggled to prove she has the right and the talent to play in what has been traditionally a man’s sandbox, will have to deal with a scandal that will surely tarnish her reputation. Will it be the end of her career? Most likely not. But like Bill Clinton, she may always be associated with this one indiscretion - okay, maybe two.

Affairs of the heart are tricky at best, but when you add the complexities of a married partner…you better strap in - cause you’re in for a bumpy ride.

At SingleMindedWomen.com, we know we don’t always pick the perfect partner or the perfect relationship. But if you continue to find yourself falling for the wrong guy, then you need to read Dr. Keith Ablow’s article: Carbon Copy Men. Dr. Keith offers sound advice that will prevent you from making the same mistakes over and over again so that when Mr. Right does walk into your life - you’ll recognize him.

But if you are contemplating an affair with a co-worker, read our article: Having an Office Affair without Risking Your Job first.

Also, at SingleMindedWomen.com:

Career: I’ve Been Fired Now What!

Escape: Where to Have an Affair

Money: What to Do When Big Business Rips You Off

As always, thank you for visiting SingleMindedWomen.com. We hope you will tell all your single friends to visit too!

Allison O’Connor

Co-Founder

SingleMindedWomen.com Relationship Channel - Water cooler flirtations. Playing footsie under the conference table. Having sex in the supply closet. If you’ve done any of the above, you’re in fast company. According to a recent Spherion/Harris Interactive survey of 1,500 employees, 40 percent have contemplated an office affair, while another 40 percent have actually acted on the impulse. And why not? A considerable number of our waking hours—forty hours each week or more on average—are spent at our jobs, not to mention weekends and overtime. We sit side-by-side in cubicles so small that you can’t help but learn every idiosyncrasy of your co-workers. We share victories, and commiserate over each other’s losses. In some cases, we know them better than their friends or families. Is it any wonder we’re open to making whoopee where we make our money?

Read the rest of this article here…

Also in SingleMindedWomen.com:

Fashion and Beauty: Big Style, Small Budget: Insider Tips on Shopping Savings

Career Advice: I’ve Been Fired! Now What?

Single Parenting: Business Trip Without the Kids? What to Do So You Don’t Stress Out…

And much, much more!

Click here to go to the SingleMindedWomen.com Home Page…

Darwin suggested that the survival of a species depended on its degree of fitness. In today’s world of lose business morals, survival of your rights as a consumer often depends on the volume of your complaints.

There was a time when laying claim to a legitimate business gripe was a rather genteel sport. But in an age where every tenth of a profit point counts on Wall Street, getting a bank to reverse a charge, an airline to give a credit, a retailer to fix a problem, has become more of a blood sport. The simple truth is that corporate America today plays hardball. If you’re going to score a few points from Team Little People, you’re going to have to play a little hardball of your own.

In my parents’ day, there were such things as “complaint departments.” Today those flesh and blood people have been replaced by 1-800 numbers with virtual operators that are designed by many companies to send you off into caller hell. Want to speak to a life operator? Sorry, that person doesn’t work here anymore.

Government regulations are way down, and consumer rip-offs, not surprisingly, are way up. United States Congressional committees sit in wood paneled rooms and with great sobriety questioning oil company, banking, communication executives about “grave concerns.” After the hearings fade from the front page in a few days, it’s back to business as usual and the consumer, more or less, is back to her own resources.

So what can you do when the odds are stacked against you?

In this game, the fittest are the loudest. Here are five quick tips that will come in handy the next time you’re ready to wage consumer war:

More great money advice for single women at SingleMindedWomen.com

The Ins and Outs of Your Credit Score

Keeping Calm in a Down Market